Lorrain’s Story

Recovery Triumph: Cocaine and Cigarettes

My recovery from cocaine began when I hit bottom and endangered a family member. On this particular binge, I was snorting as many as seven grams a day. I was 41 years old, and I felt like I was dying. But I didn’t want to leave my grandchildren.

So on January 23, 2003, I did my last line of cocaine. I scheduled inpatient treatment but had to wait for a bed. A good friend helped me pass the first three days and after that it was just me, determined to quit. I started attending Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I finally stuck with AA as it suited my needs better.

I was 33 days clean when I entered a 28-day inpatient treatment program at the Center for Chemical Addictions Treatment in Cincinnati, Ohio. It was because of CCAT and my will to live a better life that I became clean. The people at CCAT taught me what addiction meant, why and how my addiction started, and how to stop it. They helped me believe in myself for the first time since I could remember. I now volunteer my services there to give back some of what they gave me, but I can never come even close. They helped save my life.

I’ve now been clean for eight years and nine months. Since 2005, I’ve attended a faith-based program. No matter how long I’ve been clean, I know that I’m only a day away from using again. God help me if I ever forget this. One thing I’ve learned is that everyone recovers in his or her own way. Recovery has been–and always is–a process. My favorite saying is, “Progress, not perfection.”

Cocaine was not my only addiction. On March 6, 2004, I smoked my last cigarette after a 23-year habit. In January of that year, I had to have a tumor removed from my brain. I couldn’t smoke in the hospital, and my mom and stepdad were going to care for me afterward, and they didn’t smoke. I realized that if I was ever going to quit, this would be my best chance. I tapered off to one pack of cigarettes. The pack wasn’t even finished when, that final night, I stubbed out half a cigarette and announced, “I really don’t like this. It tastes awful, and I quit!”

—Lorrain ,Cincinnati, Ohio