CameToBelieve’s Story

Recovery Triumph: Alcohol

I finally “Came to Believe”

 

I believe my addiction began before I was born, because my Mom drank while she was pregnant with me. So being born into a family that was very affected by the disease, it left little hope for me. My childhood was not a happy one. It was very messed up.  I lost my memory around eight years old, but can remember some very scary and ugly times.  I married right out of high school to escape. That marriage lasted fifteen years. I didn’t drink for the most part of that time. I had made my mind up that I was going to be the perfect wife, mom and housekeeper. And I was all of that. I just had no clue who I was. Perhaps you could have described me as a robot. My husband was hot tempered and I was careful not to cross him. I kept stuffing until one day a neighbor offered me a few drinks, and it was that day that my disease escaped from my body. I was on a roll, and I did love the brandy, as it let me be someone other than this caged up creature. I divorced my husband, but soon landed in treatment for my drinking. My sister had just completed the program and it looked good to me. There I met a man and married him. This is where my real nightmare began. He wanted me to drink so that I would be submissive to him. He knew how to play me and did it very well. He showered me with all the things I had craved for all of my life. Love, tenderness, and what seemed to me to be genuine caring. He bought me sexy clothes, and jewelry. He made me feel like the most important and beautiful lady on this earth. He gradually changed, and the physical and mental abuse began, and lasted twenty three years. Someone who has never been abused would find it hard to believe how you could stay in a marriage that long. But the alcohol kept me in a constant state of believing I had no way out. I felt I had to drink to be a sexual goddess for him and for other men. If I crossed him, that is where the physical abuse came out. Once when he held a gun to my head I pleaded with him to pull the trigger. I did put myself in treatment again some time during that marriage; however I was so full I fear that I never told  the truth about my life. So naturally I soon drank again. He eventually died from bad health. At this time my drinking was daily. We had a tavern when he passed away, and the booze was readily available. And now I let loose to be the free person who had been locked up. BUT, little did I know I was far from free. The alcohol still had me by the throat, and was controlling my life. After a year of this kind of behavior, I decided to start to pray for change. I prayed with my sister and sold the bar soon after. I moved and started a new life. But I did not quit drinking. I met and remarried. But it wasn’t long and I was making a complete fool out of myself and him when we went out anywhere. My life was becoming completely unmanageable once again. One Monday morning God told me to go to an A.A. meeting. I have been sober now for a little over a year. It has been a wonderful journey. One I can only want to stay on. I have a wonderful sponsor and have followed the steps to the best of my ability. My faith has grown and I continue to walk with God and follow my program one day at a time. Recovery is a blessing and I pray anyone reading this is blessed as well. I now know I can be restored to sanity. I am living proof. It is good to be alive and a Recovery Hero. Thank you for letting me share my story.